It seems to come around with an alarming frequency.

Another loss in my life.

X called me about 5:30 this evening to tell me his dad had died.

Suddenly.

X was so distraught and so torn up he actually had me on the phone before the paramedics got there.   He said "Bisa - his body is still laying in the yard."

X was calling because the first thing he thought about was the boys.  I'm sure the shock of it all made him not think so logically.  He wanted to let me know he wouldn't be able to pick up the boys tomorrow night.  Bless his heart.

Yeah, X is high on my shit list at times, but I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone.

Apparently Bob was working in his yard and collapsed.  I don't know if anyone was at home with him at the time or not.  I don't know if X drove up after work and found his dad. 

I realize I'm rambling and my thought processes are disjointed, just like X's were when he called me.

In fact, when he told me I screamed, "WHAT???". 

Bob was a gentle giant of a man.  He was the consumate southern gentleman as well.  He called all women "Ma'am", regardless of their age.  He was a huge man - 6'1" and up until his gastric bypass two years ago he tipped the scales at 475 lbs. 

He adored me and made no secret of the fact.  He told X on more than one occasion that I was his favorite child.  (X is an only child)

Bob lived a very unhappy life the few years before his gastric bypass.  He was literally homebound, as his bulk and accompanying health problems - diabetes, high blood pressure, COPD, severe sleep apena - made him a prisoner inside his home. 

The last two years of his life were drastically different.  He could move around much easier.  His stamina was back up to speed.  He could fish with the boys and ride four wheelers with them.  He lived for the boys, beaming whenever they were around.

His heart was as big as his body, and it never shrank.  Even after X and I split, he always always hugged me and had smiles for me.  He never made me feel like an outsider when I needed to be around their family for whatever reason.

He passed away doing what he loved to do - working in his yard. 

That's how I want to go, doing something that I love.

Rest in peace Pappa Bob. 

Oh honey I am so very sorry. So very sorry. I just don't know what to say. I called and left you a message. xoxo

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